Instead of punching a wall

Instead of punching a wall, I'll blog to siphon off my misery.

I would actually punch a wall, except I'd a) wake my family up, and b)have to repair it afterwards, assuming I'm strong enough to break it.

I did reasonably well in everything except the subject that mattered: accounting. I don't know why it hates me so much. I thought I did alright in the exam, but apparently not. Might have been that, in conjunction with the group assignment.

The stupid thing was, the results were sent to my mobile while I was watching 2012 tonight, which added to my stress levels. I hate watching films like that. I'm actually scared of massive, cataclysmic disasters. Just not this particular one, because of various reasons. It also completely screwed up what would have otherwise been one of the best days that I've had this year, or at least in a while.

I'm going to console myself in two ways.

1. I'm definitely working harder next semester. That's my problem. I don't apply myself properly. It's alright with nuff-nuff subjects like management, it just doesn't quite cut it with real subjects like accounting.

2. I've gotten bad marks before and bounced back.

Now I just kind of need to find a way of explaining to my parents without getting destroyed.

I'm not only disappointing them, I've disappointed myself. I expect a lot better of myself, because I know that I have it in me to do it.

I may just partake in some wall-punching tomorrow, provided I get bored and frustrated enough.

Word of the Day: Wall

Insecurity guard

Ah, I knew this double-clash-whammy thing would always test my masculinity, make me question my own fortitude, push me to the limit, and all that jazz. But my, how even the lead up revealed so much about me. My insecurities and flaws were exposed in the most brutal fashion possible, just like a Liverpool defence at set pieces. But I also learnt about my strengths. I hope they're my strengths. Because if not, I'm more screwed up than I think I am.

First weakness: Girls. Well, I wouldn't be a very straight male if this didn't apply. So like, I was talking to my good friend David Lee, and a female friend of pretty everyone I know, who I'm not going to name because of that very reason, looked like she wanted to talk to me. See, it's that awkwardness again. That's another one of my weaknesses. She keeps like, walking in front of me and looking at me when she thinks I'm not looking at her. Cos you know, she got ditched by her friend.

This also links onto my insecurity. I'm actually still a really shy person. It's gotten a lot better, but you know. Yeah.

Anyway, I had a feeling that maybe I should've talked to her. But then I thought, nah, that'd be weird. I mean, it is me after all.

Anyway, the second weakness links back to this.

As most of you, and half the world know by now, because I've been griping about it for a while, I had a clash today, so I had a double exam, and a prisoner during the break. During the break, after the torrid time that was the French exam, I started thinking about this girl who shall remain unnamed. Because, you know, I'm instantly attracted to people that actually show an inclination of wanting to actually talk to me. Which exposed my lack of concentration. So I listened to music. Which made it worse. A downward spiral of pain and anguish then. And they suspected my iPod of being an iPhone to boot.

Third insecurity. I get scared when people stare at me. Like those damn invigilators. I'm walking back from the toilet, they stare at me. Two of them waylay me at different times. I don't know what they suspected me of, but the second one was just damn rude. At least one of them was nice. She made me coffee. Kudos to her.

Now, on to some positive stuff. I must admire our brain's capacity to cram stuff in. I pretty much memorised the whole management course in the three hour break, and spat it back out during the exam. Right after cramming French in the morning. Double crammage. Hope my technique doesn't backfire.

I thought I'd also take this opportunity to remark upon how unfair the exams today were. Surely I'm at a disadvantage. Having one exam after the other is bad enough. But not being able to leave in the break?

Now that I have free time on my hands, here's the plan:
1. Clean room
2. Work this damned right leg harder and get it working again
3. Find a summer job
4. Put my other plan into action. Don't worry, I know what I'm talking about, even if you don't.
5. Make some stuff. Star jars and all that.
6. Somehow learn guitar without a guitar.
7. Get the clarinet going again.
8. Organise my music collection.
9. Catch up with some of my homies.
10. Buy some gifts and miscellaneous items.

That's about it for the moment.

Hope everyone did well in their exams, and gluck for anyone still to do some.

Ah. Relaxation.

Word of the Day: Insecurity

Pure genius

I've found yet another way to procrastinate. See, instead of studying for a particular subject, you spend 15 minutes calculating hypothetically what you need in the exam for a HD.

The prognosis looks very threatening. I think I need between 76 and 84 on my Management exam to get a HD. Something like that.

French is even worse. I can't be screwed calculating, because I have assessments everywhere for French, but I have a feeling that even if I were to get 100% on the exam, I still wouldn't get a HD. I've done pretty badly this semester.

Yes. What a nerdy way to procrastinate. I wouldn't recommend it. But now that you've read this, and because I'm so inspirational, I know you'll go and do it. Right now.

Word of the Day: Procrastinating

Last Official Day Of Uni 2009

Oh my, it's the end of the academic year already, bar my French oral on Friday.

I'm sort of bittersweet about this semester ending actually. For parts of it, I've had a torrid time. Floods of work, assignments and other issues on the one hand, but I've never had so much fun on the other.

Thus, it was very fitting that today was a day of academic extremity.

My French listening test went fine and dandy. Possibly the easiest shot at 10 per centing I'll ever get in my life. Hopefully I don't jinx it.

Then, I went and go my French culture essay back with a P+. Ah, that plus made it so much better. And I thought, "That's what you get when you cobble something together in 45 mins." Not exactly an unexpected mark, considering how I randomly spoke about segregation in America with no sources at all.

The cobbling theory turned out to be untrue. My 3000 word Management essay, which cobbled together in two nights, got returned to me with a 61 on the front. Which I was quite satisfied with, considering the effort I put in. But then, I turned to the last page, and there was a HD. Quite scary, the stuff you can produce in two sleep-deprived nights. I think it's to do with the fact that I sound smart when I write essays, because I deconstruct the essay topic and take a new vantage point on it that I don't think anybody else does. And I think one of the strengths of my essays is the fact that it links back to the questions and links all the elements of the questions together. Because it was a fairly hard topic, as it drew on three different areas of the stuff we're doing. So yeah. It's not really to do with my skill at management, but more to do with essay writing.

But the bad thing about that is that every single time I do it, it feels like a fluke and I feel like I don't deserve it, because I see people that actually time-manage well, and work really hard, and yeah. It just doesn't click for them.

Also, today I think I made up with people that had felt the brunt of my tetchy mood yesterday. Hopefully I've made amends. But I swear that door to R1 is ridiculously light. I did not mean to rip it from it's hinges. It's made of paper or something. I swear.

Anyway, enough language analysis and moping. Time for some irony.

So I separately tried to arrange to catch the bus home at the same time with two separate people, those people being Grace and Banh. I got rebuffed on two separate occasions by two separate people. Grace is all like, "Oh, I never actually go home after uni, I'm more of a club person," and Banh's all like "Uni's for losers. *Sleeps*". End result: solitary journey home. Story of my life.

Word of the Day: Cobble

By popular demand

It was a cold and blustery day outside. Ben Niles walked into the Curry Corner at the Matheson Library. A few moments later, Imesha followed in his wake. Ben plonked himself down on a chair, and began nonchalantly chewing on the apple that he'd procured from his bag. He looked at Imesha, and a spark of lightning *zap* sprung between them. It was electric. I could almost feel the electricity lifting my hair up, and it seemed as if the very air was infused with a mosaic of colours stemming from this spark. Twas a happy spark, full of joy and wonderment, suffusing the very fabric of space and time with awesomeness. The Matheson would never be the same again.

__________________

So the challenge was to fit Ben, Imesha, apple, lightning and mosaic into my blog post without making any of it up. It's not half bad, is it? None of it was made up, maybe just slightly embellished and exaggerated. But I thought it was pretty decent, considering I've had 4 hours of sleep and have been pretty flat out since last night.

I worked until 1 last night (this morning, if you want to be pedantic about it) on my International Studies essay. Wrote up all 1500 words last night. Surely that's how masterpieces are created. Woke up at 5 this morning to start and finish French homework, which I miraculously succeeded in doing in the hour that I had. Then I went swimming and got asked for my student ID because I clearly look 50 years old with these glasses. Went to uni, started an essay-fixing session at 9, printed essay off, handed it in, went to Management tute, got bored, talked to Grace on MSN, laptop died, tute finished half an hour early just like every other week, moseyed down to the Law Lib. Finally, I stopped for half an hour and just absorbed the ambiance of peace and quiet. Then, it started up again. GMC meeting.

I think I was the only person there with a functioning brain, which tells a story of its own really. Andrew and functioning brain generally cannot be used in the same sentence. However, in this case, it's a comparative term. Between a person with 0 hours of sleep, an alcoholic and a Tamiflu snorter, I think I emerge as the winner of the Sanity Battle. It turned out well, capped of by Ray actually believing that Anna was tired from a 7 hour GMCfest. You a funny man, Raymond.

And it doesn't stop there. Oh no. It never does stop there in Andrew's life. There's more. French culture assignment due on Friday, which I have not started, and International Studies test on Monday. Oh, the joys of pre-exam period. But I have a masterplan worked out. Not that my plans usually work to the degree that I expect them to, if they work at all, but I feel more secure about myself with a plan up my sleeve. It usually makes the fall of the plan harder to take, but I'll take it nonetheless.

Word of the Day: Flat

What UP!

Our tute's disaster movie was the best. Hands down. And for some strange reason, I got a starring role, and looked better on camera than I expected. My acting, however, is somewhat not up to scratch. I was half-smiling while an earthquake was supposedly happening. Which makes the decision to put me in a starring non-speaking role all the more puzzling. Must be my photogenic looks.

The one that actually won was filmed Lego-style. It was just pure funny. Didn't even make sense, and I couldn't hear what was going on most of the time. Probably not much going on anyway.

Speaking of movies, this is an awesome linking sentence.

Today, I saw UP! with my sisters, seeing as they had begged me non-stop for the last five months. Not that I didn't want to go with them. But I'm a busy, busy man.

So went down to Village at Glen after MGMT tute today, and saw UP!.

All in all, a pretty top movie. A tad overrated. But then again, so was the Dark Knight.

Plot was fairly predictable, but plots of most Pixar films are. I don't think you're supposed to watch them for the plot, but for the process of rendering the plot. A very good effort in that respect. As always from Pixar, beautifully rendered animation and a good score. Characters, as usual, were delightful. Wouldn't mind seeing it again. Depends on who asks though.

Back to uni today. I think I fair failed the French test, owing to the fact that I did about 15 mins of study for it. Management essay gets in the way of not only French study, but life in general. On the upside, no more assessments for management. On the downside, a bazillion assignments due after the break. Fun times ahead.

CA Career Development Forum tomorrow. Highlight: Suit and tie. What a boring life I lead.

Word of the Day: UP!

If I Ain't Got You

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby


Lately, I've been listening what the experts call 'sissy music.' Alicia Keys, Jeff Buckley, Usher, Jamie Cullum.

I've especially taken a liking to Alicia Keys 'Songs in A Minor'. It's very chill and smooth. 'Diary of Alicia Keys' has a jazzy twist to it, which I like. Her voice is also very top notch, which I think is very important. I've actually had these songs for a while, but never properly listened to them.

You probably think I'm mellowing out in my old age. And you're right to a certain extent. Random pangs of loneliness and perceived isolation, and all that.

But you're mostly wrong. Because interspersed with these distinctly chill and sometimes depressing songs, I've started listening to gangsta rap again. Tupac, Jay-Z, not-so-gangsta-and-a-very-big-jerk Kanye West, and NWA.

A big shout-out to Tupac's 'My Block.' Pretty depressing stuff.

Also, the other day, I almost got into an altercation with two guys in the law library for looking down at me, but from below. If you get my meaning. You know, like staring someone down, but upwards. They were shorter than me, if that helps you understand. If you don't, just forget it. Just know that I almost got into a fight. Almost.

Maybe I'm becoming a cranky old man.

Anyway, exam timetable. It is, as the French say, "comme çi, comme ça." That approximately means "So-so." I still don't know why I had to say it in French.

Accounting is on the 3rd of November. Then management and French are on the same day on the 11th. And for both of those exams, my table number is 007. Score. So should do well if I combine it with my Monash login, ahua7, and my rugby top, A. Huang 7.

So the plan is to study accounting maximally, then cram management, and not worry too much about French.

Where's the other exam gone, I hear you ask?

Well, International Studies involves an essay and a test, which are worth a combined total of 70%. So it just depends on what you like more. Exams, or endless assignments?

Word of the Day: Keys

I should kick this habit

I'm like an international rock star. Maybe minus the star part.

See, every time I rush-release an essay, much like when I rush-release an album, I am left to reflect on how much better I could have done had I started earlier.

I am also left of reflect upon why everything has to be due on exactly the same day. I mean, yeah, between subjects, that's understandable, as there's no co-ordination or communication between different subjects. But French is just ludicrous. Why two things are due on exactly the same day for French alone I'll never know.

I'm really tired. I might go and buy a coffee or three today. Not that I think they'll do much for me. These things never do. But at least they'll keep me warm. I'm also very cold right now.

Word of the Day: Assignments

Alien INVASION!!!!!!!!!

One day, aliens will visit Earth. And they'll be like, "Why do these Earthers cut the fur sprouting from their head, when it would keep them warm, and it is clearly cold?"

There are other things that they may find weird. Like why this guy is struggling to motivate himself to do his management essay, when he knows that it needs to be done. Or find the guts to do anything that needs to be done.

Or why he finds communicating through script so much easier than through speech.

And why humans make things harder for each other.

Or maybe why this guy is endangering his life by having his music up so loud that his room is going to collapse.

And possibly, they would wonder how, with their telepathic abilities, how they could not break through the poker face and into the mind of this young chap and discover his so-called secrets, but all his Earthling friends somehow know.

Or why this guy could not foresee that he would be swamped with work in this following week. And how this seems to surprise him around the same time every semester.

And probably why this is writing this from the perspective of them coming to visit Earth.

Word of the Day: Aliens

Andrew thinks...again

Yes, it's such a rare occurrence that it deserves a mention. There is a reason for this. I'm in my management tute. And we are talking about essay writing. Which means time for thinking.

There's this girl that keeps eying me off in my tute. Either she finds me weird or...she finds me strange. Maybe even both. At the same time. She also has a very...interesting dress sense. Yeah. They don't call me King of Understatement (c) for no reason.

So owing to the fact that I started this post in my tute and I'm finishing it now, I'm going to talk about the dinner that I had with Kelvin and James. Apart from being a very good catch-up session, I also saw the funniest thing that I've seen in a while. There was sign outside La Porchetta that said "$12 buffet". That's not funny in itself. The funny thing was that it was in Chinese. No English. Just Chinese. I think they are very good at targeting a specific market segment. Needless to say, we went in, because Kelvin can read Chinese.

So all up, it was 15 bucks each, and all you could eat off the pasta and pizza menu, and unlimited soft drink. Yay. Should do it again sometime.

Now. On to the promised thinking part. Really, I had a thought. I've just forgotten it now. So you'll have to be content with a second-rate musing.

On the bus to Box Hill (shudder), I saw a gangsterrrr Melbourne High guy with spiky hair. Well, I think that's the only type of MHS guy you get nowadays. And he looked really gangsterrrr. And then, when he sat down, he busted out a book. Like, a full-on epic novel. In English, not Japanese manga, which I thought it was originally. And I just thought it strange that no matter how hardcore MHS guys look, deep down, they're always ner...I mean... academically-inclined. Bizarre.

Word of the Day: Gangsterrrrr

Red Bull...with free can opening service!

Even though I got free Red Bull today, I still feel discriminated against.

While Banh and Victor got free can opening services, I got mine given to me unopened, and suffered the confusing question of: "Which type do you want?" I said "whatever" in place of "I thought there was only one type." Which seemed like the more appropriate thing to do at the time.

And no. I don't have wings. Disappointing, I know.

As Banh so aptly declared, "We can now call this a good day," or something of that ilk (I also "stole" that word off him). Correct me if I'm wrong, Banh.

And as days go, it wasn't bad. Highlight of the day was meeting David Phan in my MGMT tute. That was awesome, and relieved my oh-so-acute loneliness in this dastardly unit. Shame he goes to the other lecture, but I guess one can't have everything in life.

Back to pool. I got thumped by both Banh and Victor. I'll get there one day. When my dad sets up the pool table in the basement, I'll practice and become pool king. But I don't think it'll be happening within the next five years. But one can always hope. Worst comes to worst, I'll just be a very old pool king.

Word of the Day: Pool

The Fear

Dear Blog: A miserable day at uni to further compound my miserableness.

Had a 2.5 hour break. People wouldn't, couldn't or didn't pick up their phones, or they were in lectures, or they hate me a lot. Maybe all three together. Who knows. So I ended up being bored and depressed until Mark came along at 11:50 or so. Made me laugh for about ten mins, then he had a lecture. So I became bored for another hour and a half.

French workshop was boring and lonely. Management tute was boring, lonely and weird.

My whole body hurts. I think it's all linked to my knee.

I think that these are all superficial reasons for my unhappiness.

I think it's because, deep down, I'm scared.

I'm scared that I'll grow old, with all the money in the world, but no-one to share it with. I think that's my greatest fear, actually.

I'm scared that no-one cares.

Word of the Day: Scared