Insecurity guard

Ah, I knew this double-clash-whammy thing would always test my masculinity, make me question my own fortitude, push me to the limit, and all that jazz. But my, how even the lead up revealed so much about me. My insecurities and flaws were exposed in the most brutal fashion possible, just like a Liverpool defence at set pieces. But I also learnt about my strengths. I hope they're my strengths. Because if not, I'm more screwed up than I think I am.

First weakness: Girls. Well, I wouldn't be a very straight male if this didn't apply. So like, I was talking to my good friend David Lee, and a female friend of pretty everyone I know, who I'm not going to name because of that very reason, looked like she wanted to talk to me. See, it's that awkwardness again. That's another one of my weaknesses. She keeps like, walking in front of me and looking at me when she thinks I'm not looking at her. Cos you know, she got ditched by her friend.

This also links onto my insecurity. I'm actually still a really shy person. It's gotten a lot better, but you know. Yeah.

Anyway, I had a feeling that maybe I should've talked to her. But then I thought, nah, that'd be weird. I mean, it is me after all.

Anyway, the second weakness links back to this.

As most of you, and half the world know by now, because I've been griping about it for a while, I had a clash today, so I had a double exam, and a prisoner during the break. During the break, after the torrid time that was the French exam, I started thinking about this girl who shall remain unnamed. Because, you know, I'm instantly attracted to people that actually show an inclination of wanting to actually talk to me. Which exposed my lack of concentration. So I listened to music. Which made it worse. A downward spiral of pain and anguish then. And they suspected my iPod of being an iPhone to boot.

Third insecurity. I get scared when people stare at me. Like those damn invigilators. I'm walking back from the toilet, they stare at me. Two of them waylay me at different times. I don't know what they suspected me of, but the second one was just damn rude. At least one of them was nice. She made me coffee. Kudos to her.

Now, on to some positive stuff. I must admire our brain's capacity to cram stuff in. I pretty much memorised the whole management course in the three hour break, and spat it back out during the exam. Right after cramming French in the morning. Double crammage. Hope my technique doesn't backfire.

I thought I'd also take this opportunity to remark upon how unfair the exams today were. Surely I'm at a disadvantage. Having one exam after the other is bad enough. But not being able to leave in the break?

Now that I have free time on my hands, here's the plan:
1. Clean room
2. Work this damned right leg harder and get it working again
3. Find a summer job
4. Put my other plan into action. Don't worry, I know what I'm talking about, even if you don't.
5. Make some stuff. Star jars and all that.
6. Somehow learn guitar without a guitar.
7. Get the clarinet going again.
8. Organise my music collection.
9. Catch up with some of my homies.
10. Buy some gifts and miscellaneous items.

That's about it for the moment.

Hope everyone did well in their exams, and gluck for anyone still to do some.

Ah. Relaxation.

Word of the Day: Insecurity