Surprise Song Sunday: Rocket Man - Elton John

Word of the Day: Rocket

Worst friend ever.

Word of the Day: Lonely

A little bit lost, a tad regretful, quite a bit annoyed, and slightly lonely.

I need to get me a girlfriend.

Word of the Day: Need

No worries bro

As is often the case, I turn to football to take my mind off things.

Things that include, but are not limited to, why I sometimes feel so, so alone, even though there are people all around me, and hating myself for being too proud to do anything about it. See, I'm sick of me always asking people to go and do things. It'd be great, just for once, for people to ask me. In a weird, perverse way, it's like I desperately want their company, and they don't really give a stuff about whether I exist or not. So I guess I'm just going to just do stuff around the house, and maybe go somewhere by myself, at least until someone gives me a call. Or something.

See? This is what happens when you don't have work/uni to distract you.

Anyway. I was talking about football. Big game tomorrow, and at an awesome time of 7 a.m.

No, seriously. It is a good time. You have no idea if you're not a football fan. If you're lucky, games are at about 12 at night. More often than not, they're between 2 a.m. and 4 a.m. In summary, 7 in the morning is a good time.

Back to the original point. Big, big game tomorrow. I feel like I'm signing up for self-torture by planning to watch it, but I can't help it. I have to watch it, on the off-chance that Arsenal do get a draw, or - this is outlandish, I know - a win at Old Trafford. Go Gooners!

Word of the Day: Perverse

Summer project: create something as awesome as a social network

So I saw The Social Network today, and now I totally feel like Mark Zuckerberg because I'm blogging. Stupid brainwashing.

Anyway, top film. Kind of like The Godfather, in a strange way. But instead of the pursuit of power, it's the pursuit of money which leads to an unfathomable sadness and regret. It was surprisingly funny, too. In a witty and non-obtrusive way. Oh yeah, and Justin Timberlake. Go see it.

Also, looking forward to a bit of Harry Potter on Thursday. I'm still trying to figure out who to go with, what time, etcetera.

And, because it's the start of a massive chunk of holidays again, whenever I'm not doing something with somebody, I start feeling lonely again. So, I guess, the quick-fix cure is to always be doing something with somebody(s). So if you want to hang, give us a buzz, and I'll more than likely be free.

Word of the Day: Unfathomable

Doo bee doo doo, doo bee doo bee doo doo

That's the introduction to 'Singing in the Rain'. Duh.

I don't know why I decided to virtually sing that. It just sort of popped into my head.

Moving on. A whole manner of things are annoying me massively at the moment, but I'm not going to write about them, because (a) there's not a whole lot I can do about most of them, and (b) I have firm hope that things will probably change for the better sometime soon, because these things are cyclical in nature.

I should probably write something about Nigel's 21st at Loop last night, but there isn't all that much to say, apart from the fact that I had a bourbon and coke. Or something. And it was fairly disgusting. I didn't think it could get any worse, but one sip of Banh's scotch and coke reminded me of how wrong I can be about things sometimes. We (being Pramuk, Rudra, Banh and I) had massive amounts of bread, due to the fact that a massive platter of it was placed in front of us.

The massive mountain of bread that us fellas powered through.

Good party as well. I wish they had a mic for my use during the speech-making though. Would've been easier on my voice, which is feeling a bit tender after a night and full day of intensive speaking. If you're good friends, you'll remind me not to attempt to shout louder than the thumping music with my tiny voice next time. Highlight of the night: random old dude who came in and started munching our food. I also think he started making inappropriate comments to the ladies after I left, at which stage Nigel got him kicked out. I'm also not sure that I wished Nigel happy birthday last night, so here it is, just in case. Happy Birthday Nigel!

Ok, so I did have a lot to say about it. But I didn't before.

Currently, I am getting quite the lonely pangs again. It's that time again where I wish I had someone to just randomly talk to at anytime about any number of random things, but that person doesn't exist for me, and I just end up blogging instead to siphon some of it off, Pensieve-style. Don't pretend you don't get the reference. I know you're all Harry Potter nerds.

I leave you with this song. And a great song it is. Listen to it when you're feeling a bit down. It'll make you feel better. Like eating chocolate after being swarmed by Dementors. Harry Potter movie reference this time. I think I have just out-lamed myself yet again.

Actually, any song from them is a pretty good pick-me-up. Anyway, I'll really leave this time. Nothing worse than drawn-out goodbyes.

Word of the Day: Pensieve

99 Problems

There's something wrong with me. Seriously.

I'm starting to miss a girl that treated me like garbage, and who I wasn't even ever really with. That's so whack. Like, I'm just starting to reminisce about how good it all was, and how on top of the world I felt back then. I felt like nothing could upset me, or get to me. Near indestructible. Like, whenever something went bad, it was like just seeing her, or even thinking about her, would make everything alright.

I miss her smile, and her laugh, and the way that we'd just wander around aimlessly, talking about nothing, and everything at the same time. How endearingly awkward she was. How she'd just randomly touch me, and then feel really awkward about it. Both her and me.

She was beautiful too. I just realised how I never seemed to convey that here, or to many people at all. She was gorgeous. Sometimes it was hard to make her laugh, or smile, but that made it all the more special when she did. She had a glorious smile. As I've said before, I have a thing for girls with great smiles. I also inflated my own ego a bit, because she laughed a lot at the stuff I said, and not so much at what other people said.

I think it's because of these good memories that it hurt even more when she stopped talking to me. It hurt a lot less when she finally cut me off. Even though she was a psycho, and probably still is, I don't think I'll ever really get over her.

I keep it well hidden though. And there's not really that much to hide anymore. I mean, I'm pretty over her. It's just sometimes, I get really, really lonely. Like, when things are going bad, and I just want to whinge and moan to someone, and maybe, just maybe, cry a little. But I don't let this show too much in public.

I don't know when I'll find the right person, or when they'll find me. I guess it's a feeling of mutual attraction. I mean, I could potentially like a lot of people, but for them to reciprocate that, that's the hard bit.

I've analysed most of my character make-up now, and spotted most of the flaws. I know pretty much what I am, and what I am not.

I'm not drop-dead handsome. I don't think I'm that bad-looking though. And I'm taller than most girls, and almost all Asian guys. I dress well, I keep myself clean. I mean, yeah, I could lose a few kilos, but I'm not that bad. And I am trying. So I don't think that's really a massive, massive barrier.

I'm not tight with my money, by anyone's standards. Especially with a girl I like, I pay for everything, and I buy gifts and stuff. So if she's into that, I don't really think that's a problem, unless she wants Gucci handbags every week or something.

I'm not exactly boring. Maybe the stuff I do isn't suited to the mainstream girl. I don't club, I don't smoke, I don't drink, and I don't drag race at night. But the stuff I do isn't boring boring. I play music, I listen to music, I go out, watch movies, eat, bowl, write stuff, play stupid games, sit around and talk for hours, and shop.

I work hard for the future. Or a lot harder than a good deal of people in the world. So I don't really think that's an issue.

I'm a bit of a jerk sometimes. That might count against me. But I'm never like that with girls that I like. Also, sometimes my humour is a bit hard to get. And to many, it can seem like I'm being an idiot. And sometimes I get into moods where I don't want to talk a lot. And a lot of people seem to have an issue with that.

I think the problem is really me. I'm too picky. I tend to go for alright-looking, funny girls who have similar interests to me. And, this is the hard part, that understand my humour.

I thought Anna Tran fit this bill a while ago. And she seemed fairly into me too. Maybe that was just sympathy for my bung knee. I don't think it was though. There was an issue there that I don't fully comprehend, if at all. First day back at uni, I said meet up, and she seemed really eager. Then she met her friend in the lecture following, and it's like she never knew me. The last time we went out, before I gave up all hope on her, it was for Ray's party. And there, she chose to sit next to me. She conversed with me, she looked at me a lot, and laughed at things that I didn't even mean to be funny, and generally had a good time. Much like camp. Even walking to our group meeting for Accounting, she offered me to shelter under her umbrella, and we joked and mucked around and stuff. As soon as she saw her friend there, she just started being a jerk and being overly-critical when I made a mistake, but alright when her friend made about a million. I think she's afraid of what her friends would say if they thought she was interested in me. Which is fair enough I guess. I'm not exactly much of a handbag boyfriend. That's the only reason I can nail. I mean, she seems to be all interested in Richard, and he's got a girlfriend. I could match her stupid humour, if only she'd give me a chance. She knows I can. I've done it before. She just seemed intent on shutting me out. I don't need someone like that in my life.

I thought with Linda that I'd finally found someone that was also interested. And I think she was. Until somehow, sometime, I hit a nerve, and she went mental. I still don't know what I did wrong. More about her later, maybe.

Yeah, I'm writing all of this because, right now, at this point in time, the loneliness is really kicking in. I have so many things that I want to talk about, but no-one that I can really talk to. I don't know why I struggle talking things through with my family. I have come to the conclusion that I am a really bad person. I complain about things, and then I don't go for the easy, not-so-good option. I go for the better, harder-to-attain option. With girls, I'm not like a lot of guys, who'll just go for anyone. And, I think, therein lies many of my problems.

Word of the Day: Loneliness

When You're Dreaming With a Broken Heart

Days like this make me wish that I had some to spend them with.

What a glorious day it looks like it promises. A cloud or two in the sky, doesn't look like it's going to get too hot. And it's mid-December. Such a shame.

I've been let down a bit by a few girls. They lead you on, then...BAM! they cut you off. Not really heartbroken, just heavily disappointed.

I try to be pessimistic about these things. I tell myself that I'm ready to be disappointed again, and that it's happened before. Albeit not when I'm getting such a strong vibe. But regardless, I still try to tell myself that I'm reader to be cast adrift again.

But I think at heart I'm an optimist. I always believe that it will work out, and that the other person feels the same way, and all that jazz.

I really hope history isn't repeating itself, even though I try to tell myself that, based on past events, the chances of it repeating are quite high. But you know, sometimes past history isn't a good indicator of what can happen in the future. Just look at the stockmarket. Just like stockbrokers, I do sometimes read the signs wrong. In fact, I believe that I read the signs wrong most of the time. But unlike on the stock market, maybe being right 5 per cent of the time in these things is enough.

Word of the Day: Heartbroken

Emo rant #5,098,412.33

Sometimes I get the feeling I'm not very important in peoples' lives.

It's not a cry for sympathy, it's just a fact.

See, I contemplated disappearing for about a month a while back. I don't think many people would notice that I'm gone. Or even if they did, it wouldn't be much more than a "Oh. Haven't seen Andrew around in a while."

Okay, maybe during uni, people would notice more. But during holidays, nah. Doubt it very much. Except my family, perhaps.

It's just an observation. Maybe it's the way I am. You know, I don't really insert myself into the minds of people. Very forgettable, in other words. I hope people prove me wrong.

On a less emo note, this week should be good. Arsenal beat Liverpool. It's usually a good week in prospect when Arsenal beat a difficult team, and Liverpool, at a time like this, should result in a spectacular week. Optimism/superstition, please don't let me down.

Word of the Day: Missed

Happy New Year 2008

A very late happy new year to you all. Readership of my blog has been quite low lately, so I'm probably talking to myself.

Anyway, I've been in Harbin for the past seven days, so I've been missing out on football and general internetness. I'll probably blog about it when I can be stuffed in the next few days. It was cold. That's all I can be stuffed saying right now.

So yeah. This is the first year since 13 years ago when we won't have proper schooling. Aren't we all excited? Yeah. I didn't think so. Anyway, have a great year. May it bring you much, much more joy and happiness than last year. I hope to God that this year will be better.