Almost floating.

After passing FIN, I feel like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders. There's no nagging feeling of anxiety in the back of my mind, no planning of doomsday hypotheticals, less random nights of sleeplessness, reduced bouts of random melancholy, and confidence slightly boosted. 

Yes, it was that serious. I was almost certain I failed. Always seems stupid once you've passed. 

To celebrate, I chanced upon a bar called 1806 - recommended by Liz. Evelyn was nice enough to join me for a celebratory drink. Highly recommend the 'Blue Blazer' cocktail. It looked freaking amazing. Just this blue comet falling out of the sky, trailing a blaze of fire behind it. Alien in its beauty, slightly terrifying to behold, and majestic in its countenance. 

No, I don't know what it tastes like. I'm sure it's good though. According to the bartender, it tastes 'nice'. 

Case closed. 

Afterwards, the grads and I attended my birthday dinner thing. Good times. 

And now I'm back into studying for Tax. 

Sighface. 

Word of the Day: Countenance 

Hits and misses.

I thought the following post had accidentally been deleted, and that it was for the better, as it was a bit emo and not very good. However, owing to the fact that I can't be bothered retyping/editing, and also to the fact that it's ok, I'm going to post anyway. So I'm going back on my decision to go back. Yeah. It starts now!
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Doing stuff in Warsaw, having deepish chats at the hotel bar, going for a walk in the Warsaw thunderstorm, it's all been good fun.

For some reason, right now, I just want to go home. Or at least, Hong Kong.

I think it has something to do with the fact that doing the same thing every day, with the same people, brings out all the nuts from the bolts. Some people I'm starting to get sick of, although they're quite few and far between.

I'm also starting to miss seeing old friends. People that understand me, I understand them, etc. Same goes with family. Meeting new people has been amazing. Some of these people are fantastic individuals, and I'm glad and grateful to have met them, and will definitely keep in touch with after the trip. However, some people have started to grate on my nerves a little on a part-time basis. But whatever. It's just a couple of weeks, and it's almost over anyway. It's also good for practicing patience and diplomacy.

So in a sense, because of this duality, the good people and the getting on my nerves people, I'll be both sad and relieved when this trip ends.

Anyway, it's not all been doom and gloom. In between breakfast yesterday morning and walking in the thunderstorm last night (craziest thing I've done in a while - not that I really do a lot of crazy things), we managed to fit in a Chopin concert in a Warsaw park.

It was the most beautiful moment on this trip so far. Amazing how we visit death camps etc, and the thing that makes me most emotional is some Chopin in the park.

Right at the start, I actually semi-cried. I believe it was this piece:

The piece that almost made me cry.

Just everything together - the park, learning about the Holocaust, the thinking about relationships, missing home, the beauty of the music. It had a wonderful ability to speak about both yearning, hope, and sadness.

It sounds cheesy, but it just made me wish I had a special someone to share the moment with, and really highlighted for me the major thing lacking in my life right now.

It also highlighted how despite man's propensity for killing each other, we are also capable of indescribable beauty. Music speaks, and when it does, it's in a universal language.

After that piece, I just settled into a sort of melancholy, reflective torpor, rather than acute sadness and yearning.

A break from all that faux-deep stuff now. Warsaw city is pretty ugly to be honest. However, the heart of the city, where the Old City is, is quite nice. Reminded me of Venice a little bit.

Anyway, should be ok by tomorrow. Just need to get some alone time for a few minutes at the bar or something.
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So after typing that load of drivel, Sam subsequently picked me up from sitting in the lobby by myself like a loser, and semi-conscripted me into shopping with him, tall Meg, and Scarlett. It was kind of what I really needed at that moment, despite my desire to not talk to anyone for a bit. Cheers Sam.

So right now, I'm in Bialystock, which apparently is in Poland. I pretty much know nothing about it apart from that.

And as predicted yesterday, I'm pretty much ok now. I no longer have a burning desire to get away. I've decided not to let people who are attempting to grate on my nerves to actually do it, which has pretty much solved that particular issue.

So off to Lithuania tomorrow. I almost have no idea what that country involves, which should be interesting.

Word of the Day: Faux

Terry Lau leaving Melbourne!

So I've just come back from Terry Lau's going away party.

He's going away for a pretty substantial period of time. Like, at least a few years.

I meant what I wrote on his card. He's one of those people which I wish I'd gotten to know better. It's a real shame. He's a good kid, and I'll miss him. Have a safe trip Terry.

It's also good to see that, almost one year on from Ambassador camp, we can still get this many of them together in one hit, and get along with each other. It's great. I love that common bond that we had.

Anyway, it wasn't all about Terry. I learnt a lot too. Discussions in bars. They're great.

I think everybody thinks I'm some emo depressed kid who doesn't like talking. There were, upon reflection, a few reasons why I wasn't too talkative (in no particular order):

1. The music was drowning out my voice, and my voice doesn't penetrate through white noise all that well, and I don't like shouting.

2. Too busy listening.

3. I had quite a bit on my mind, and was thinking things through in my head.

4. I didn't really want to directly answer the girl question, so I sort of evaded it (although what I said, the part about reciprocation and mutual attraction, was the truth). Just easier for everyone that way.

I think the answer to that question (the direct answer) is fairly self-evident anyway. I think it's pretty clear for everyone to see, except, from what I can see, the person in question. Either that, or they're deliberately ignoring it. Which is fine. It's a lot better than not talking to me. Like, much, much better.

Amongst the many things I'm scared of, I'm scared of being wrong again. I don't I'll be able to get it wrong many more times before I completely lose it. Or give up. One or the other. It's just, when you try so many times, and you end up screwing up every time, it's really kicks the morale out of you.

I think I've sort of come to the conclusion that I'm just not a good person. I don't think there's really any other explanation. You know, not just good, as in a decent person good, like, just good in other aspects. I think I'm just lacking.

Having said that, I hope I haven't screwed it up. But if I have, now you, and I, both pretty much know why.

Also, on a side note, it's good to know I have good taste, in that everybody agrees on who the hottest girl on Ambassador camp was. Was. As in past tense. Once you find out a person's true colours, that either enhances their beauty or detracts from it. In this case, it would be the latter.

Finally, thanks for the 21st birthday speech Meng. Just replicate it on the big day, eh?

Word of the Day: Terry