I'm exhausted.

It seems like however much I sleep, it's not enough.

I probably really need a holiday, and to get back in touch with the world outside of work. Work right now is this big leviathan that sort of blocks out everything else. Problem is, I pretty much have nobody to go with. I've thought about going it alone, but that has its own complications as well.

Sadface.

Word of the Day: Complications

Happy one year.

365 days ago, I started full time work.

Nothing really prepares you for it. Even vac work, working full 8-hour days for four weeks, didn't really get me ready for it. It wasn't until I was well and truly stuck in that it sort of sunk in, that this full-time work thing was for, more or less, the next 40 years.

It seems stupid when I put it out there, but there it is. There's some kind of Chinese proverb/wise Mum saying that my mum often says, which goes something along the lines of:

"Everyone knows that a cut on the arm is painful. But you don't truly know what the pain feels like until you've been cut."

Given all of that, a year of 9-to-5, five week days would've been a bit of a shock to the system. Especially coming out of uni, where starting at 10 and finishing at 4 was considered a long day, and not having at least one day class-free was considered by many to be some kind of human rights infringement.

I won't bore you with all the details, but suffice to say it's been much more than 9-to-5, five week days. In more ways than one. The hours, the experiences.

And just when you think you've almost got a handle on the whole work-life thing, CA starts.

And now you have to re-adjust that equation to work-life-study. It ends up looking more like work-life-study.

I've learned an incredible amount, and I've been thrown in the deep end more times than I can count. The two probably go hand-in-hand a little bit. The number of times that I've done work, and seen somebody a couple of years more senior sign off on last year's equivalent is getting more and more frequent.

I'd like to think it's made me stronger. The truth is, I don't really know. Technically, professionally, and auditing-ly, most definitely yes. Physically and emotionally, I'm starting to feel a little bit drained. I think this is what burnout feels like.

Especially from the start of January, it's just been go-go-go. Not even client to client. More client (not really finished) to client (not really finished) to client. I'd rather be busy-ish than have absolutely nothing to do, for a variety of reasons. One, it means people are liking what you're doing. Two, doing nothing gets boring pretty quickly. Three, if you're not doing, you're not learning.

But I would've liked a couple of days of nothing somewhere along the line. Or even an easier client. Not even to do nothing, but just to do some admin stuff.

When you're on a bad run, nothing works. The client this week was supposed to be pretty good, and out in Dandenong. Just a one weeker, nothing major, and close to home.

Nek minit, client not ready until Thursday, working from the office. Looks like it's going to be a mad scramble to the end on Thursday and Friday.

I'm planning on booking a few weeks of leave for later in the year. No idea what I'm going to do with it yet, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

It could've been worse. I have friends in other industries that get worked much, much harder. Heck, I have friends at other clients that get worked much, much harder.

Still doesn't stop me from feeling slightly burned out though.

At least I've got two CA subjects in my pocket now. It feels like I'm limping through them, but if I can pull that off for the next three, I'd be over the moon. I'm calling it now, drinks on me.

A major plus is that I've met some fantastic people. Not only people from my level, but people from other levels as well. The great thing about rotating through a number of teams is the variety of people you get to meet, and if you don't like them, or if they don't like you, you're rid of them for a long time. And if you do happen to get along, there are ways of keeping in touch.

I've also worked on some pretty cool clients, and travelled to some pretty cool places. Well, cool places being Perth. Sydney not so much. Mainly because of the workload.

To bring it full-circle (for the first time in months uncounted, HR have managed to nail something, and probably by accident), I met the buddy that's been assigned to me today. Youthful vitality is refreshing. I'll try and keep it for a bit longer.

Word of the Day: Circle

Knacked.

I don't think I've ever been so glad to reach the end of a working week.

I don't even know why. I've definitely had tougher workloads, more difficult problems to solve, worser people to deal with.

 Suffice to say that the euphoria of last Friday has definitely, definitely worn off.

Word of the Day: Suffice

Musical ignorance.

Music silences the crying of babies, the drone of the plane engine, the screeches of complaining women, the sighs of fed-up men, the inane updates from the captain about how, when, where, why this plane is delayed. 

And somewhat soothes the tiredness of my soul. 

Word of the Day: Delayed

Hong Storm.

This place is contriving to give me zero sleep today.

I try to go to bed at 1:30, but I think a combination of the heat and anticipation of being home kept me up for about an hour.

Then, around half an hour ago, I awoke to the sound of thunder clapping and the pitter patter of rain. Actually, more PITTER PATTER. And THUNDERRRRR CLAPPING. The sound more like canon shots. I'm not even kidding.

So now I can't sleep. Won't stop me from popping on The Beatles and trying though.

There were birds

In the sky

But I never

Saw them winging

No, I never saw them winging

Til there was you.

Word of the Day: Pitter

And another one

This is just another post detailing how utterly tired I am.

I think I'm actually using my brain this semester, and that's why no matter how much sleep I get, it doesn't feel enough.

Who knew that using the brain could be so tiring?

Having said that, I'm still behind in everything. Urgh.

I don't know where I'm going with all of this. Probably nowhere much.

In summary, the quality of my posts will not improve until all this is sorted out. Everything. So don't hold your breath.

Word of the Day: Breath

Which seat? Oh, the dilemma. The choices. So many.

Usher concert tomorrow!

Other than that, I really don't have anything meaningful to blog about. I just started constructing this post (constructing sounds so much more professional than ' to cobble together') this post out of (a) slight boredom, (b) slight burnout from uni work and stuff, and (c) a few of my 'friends' upsetting me a tad.

I just realised that 'upset' makes it seem like I've been crying. I haven't. 'Upset' here means: not very pleased.

Various reasons for this, and all that. Can't be bothered going in to it, because it would just upset everybody. And then 'upset' here might actually mean cry.

Anyway, this post - nay, a lot of this blog - is a catharsis for that upsettage. Or just general upsettage. Kind of lets me siphon off some of my emotions, so that I can turn back into the cold, dispassionate, rational person that many people seem to think I am.

And since it is a Friday, what other song could I leave you with but this.

Sorry, couldn't resist. If you haven't heard it yet, highly recommend that you listen to it, so that you know what not to do if you want to make a good song. Actually, don't just listen to it. Listen to and watch it. Then you'll know what not to do if you want to make a good song AND a good music video. Then you can promptly return back to that proverbial rock that you've been living under for the last month.



Word of the Day: Upsettage

Guys 3:0 Man City

There is something incredibly beautiful about girls wearing football (soccer) jerseys.

I can't place what it is. I mean, if you go by fashion conventions, it's a big no-no. They have no shape. Also, it's menswear.

And yet, it looks incredibly good on most girls.

I mention this because the Arsenal jerseys were out in force today. And I saw a girl wearing one in the Matheson Library. Apart from Arsenal recording a thumping victory this morning, this also made me wish that I had worn my Arsenal top.

It was a good win. To get a win at Man City, with all the money they've poured in, minus our two first-choice centre-backs, and best striker, is no mean feat. Haven't been this happy about the team in a while. Also, Fabregas is back (!). But w

hat was most pleasing was the performance of Fabianski. No screw-ups, and some decent saves. Hopefully he continues like this.

It's a shame I couldn't replicate this form in my French oral, despite having a cram session with Zara in the morning.

For some peculiar reason, I speak better when I don't read. So when I was reading, my pronunciation was way off. But here's the paradox. When I was answering questions, and not reading off the sheet of p

aper, I kept getting things wrong. But my pronunciation was spot on. Might have to look into that.

I winded down with Zara walking back to the Matheson. She stuck around til I finished my oral, which was very nice of her.

So after walking back to where we began, we said our goodbyes, and I faced up to reality. I plugged in Bumblebee (my laptop, duh), and set to work smashing out the rest of my essay.

This was high-pressure stuff, because (a) I w

as indecisive about whether to add more stuff in, and (b) I wanted to get it done before lunchtime.

Turns out that I co

uldn't be stuffed adding in more stuff, so it ended up about 300 words under, and I used one less source than the minimum. In hindsight, I should've put more effort into a 60% essay. I just realised it was that much. But it should be a pass anyway. Hopefully I'll get a Credit or higher overall. It was a dodgy essay task anyway.

I also finished way past lunchtime. 2 o' clock, to be precise. Which just proves the theory that when you're working hard, especially on adrenaline, hunger subsides. So I popped into Maccas afterwards, sped home, and just lay on my bed for an hour.

That's right. Lay. I wasn't sleeping. I wasn't even napping. I was just laying. Cool is me.

I think the double-adrenaline-rush-peaks drained me quite a bit.

I was originally thinking of leaving you with a picture of pretty girl in a pretty Arsenal top, but probably not appropriate. So instead, you can have this.

Word of the Day: Paradox

Le Coupe du Monde

So, like, I'm all done with exams. Man, it was exhausting. I'm 99% sure I failed Accounting, and I'm trying to work out how to work around it.

The hardest part was telling my parents. They reacted surprisingly well to it (well, I only told mother). Once that was over, it was alright. I wouldn't say their opinions are the only ones that matter, but they're definitely up there.

So I've been mentally beating myself up, and resolving to work a lot harder. I guess I'm just frustrated that I'll have to go through that living hell again. Ah well. What's done is done.

I've now moved on to vegging in front of the television.

"What? You don't watch TV!" I hear you exclaim.

Let me clarify that.

I watch Man vs Wild, Flight of the Conchords, and football.

The reason for my vegging is because of the latter.

Yes, after four years of waiting, the World Cup is back. Yes, I watched Australia lose this morning. It was embarrassing, to be honest. I don't know what happened to the Australia of four years ago. We had more fire back then. I'm afraid to say it, but I don't see us getting out of the group stages.

That red card against Cahill was very harsh. He was pulling out of the tackle, and hit the guy with his thigh. Surely a yellow would've been more than enough. Stupid card-happy ref.

Other matches...hmm. Let's do a list.

South Africa 1 : Mexico 1
Surprisingly impressive. Both were trying to go for each other's throats, and played some great attacking football. A very enjoyable opening game, marred slightly by the fact that South Africa almost won but didn't.

England 1 : USA 1
Another draw, this one much, much less entertaining, apart from England keeper Robert Green throwing the ball into his own net. Didn't help that I missed the Gerrard goal that happened in, like, the first five seconds of play.

Australia 0 : Germany 4
The less said about this game the better I think. Australia were lacking in attack, lacking in defense, were missing star players, getting sliced apart by the German machine, and generally doing a really good impression of fish milling around in a bowl of water. Fish that were completely out of their depth. I don't think anybody played well. Lucas Neill was calling non-existent offsides. The offside trap was clearly not working, because they were continually failing to pick up the man who was not offside making the run from deep. Fairly rudimentary schoolboy errors, like not playing the ref's whistle, like Neill and his shadow offside call. Yeah. That's about it really.

Netherlands 2 : 0 Denmark
Was really, really looking forward to this one because a) it's the Netherlands and b) it was an early game, and I really needed one just then, because I am slightly tired from having a total of eight hours sleep over two nights. Anyway, what a game. Certainly didn't disappoint. The movement, passing and vision of the Dutch team is just magnificent. What a joy to watch. Their ball control is also sublime. The way they play is a thing of beauty. They may just be my next favourite outside-of-Australia team, the top one being Spain. I'm still trying to decide whether to buy a Spain jersey or Australia. Perhaps both, perhaps neither. Perhaps I need more money. It's just that, if Spain win this cup, it will be the crowning moment for one of the greatest, if not the greatest, national football sides of all time. I mean, Fabregas and Torres are on the bench for them. That says enough.


And that's mostly it for now. Watched a bit of Greece vs South Korea, got bored so kept playing monopoly.

Just to finish, a comment about the match ball. The scientists and whatnot who designed/engineered/lovingly handcrafted these balls are coming out and defending it, saying things such as "it flies the straightest out of any ball" and "the players just aren't used to it yet." They use these as defences and justifications for why players are complaining about it.

I don't know about you, but I have never heard this many players complain about a World Cup match ball. At the end of the day, if the players, who have spent the better part of their lives playing this sport, say that it doesn't feel right, no matter how perfectly round the ball is, or how aerodynamically awesome it is, the fact remains that the players don't enjoy using it, and engineers and such cannot claim that technological perfection in a ball equates to something exactly the same as balls that these guys have been using since they've been kicking balls.

I also don't understand why they have to keep changing the ball. It's not exactly like loads of people were demanding a massive overhaul of the football. Clearly the ones they use every day are just fine. Maybe their imperfections are what makes them a true football. In a sense, they're used to their imperfections, and have already adjusted to them. What does the new ball add anyway, apart from an alarmingly high frequency of over-hit passes, and ridiculous keeper fumbles? What's it's purpose? Greater speed? Because that's the only thing I can see it maybe doing better in.

Anyway, sleep beckons. Got a big day of buying stuff tomorrow.

Word of the Day: World Cup

But things just get so crazy, living life gets hard to do, I would gladly hit the road, get up if I knew, that someday it would lead me back to you

Yeah, it's been a bit of a tough week. Not just academically, but just life in general. I'm drained. And I've gotten semi-sick twice. I can't even be bothered recounting it all. And to cap it all off, I had an amazingly vivid, scary and intense dream. As a consequence, I'm going to start up a dream diary blog tomorrow. Or sometime in the near future.

Nightmares (not that I remember them very often, or even dreams for that matter), for some reason, leave me really drained. My theory is that my body tenses throughout the whole things, tiring my muscles. So I'm really tired. So instead of writing something proper, I'm going to be slack, and let rip a video that perfectly encapsulates what a perfect Sunday sounds like to me. Definitely in my top 5 list of songs. I don't think I've ever met anyone that didn't like this song. If ever I have to do impromptu singing (trust me, it's happened before), this song, and Edelweiss, would be my picks.

May it bring you joy also. Happy Sunday.



Word of the Day: Nightmare

Knackered

I am quite knackered at the moment. Just thought I had to get it out there. All the work that I'm supposed to have done but haven't is starting to catch up with me now. Hopefully I have enough energy left to pull off another superhuman effort, and revise well for the French test on Monday, and blow this Company Law assignment right out of the water.

Head starting to throb slightly. Going to read a bit of Max Remy, then fall asleep with my face buried in the book.

Until next time.

Bazoing.

Zzzzzzzzz.

Word of the Day: Knackered

About time

Last night, it finally happened.

I always wondered whether it would. One day, when my seemingly limitless levels of energy would fail me.

Me and my sisters were watching Despereaux on DVD last night. Afterwards, I thought I'd lie down on the couch for a few minutes, because I was slightly fatigued. Lo and behold, I slept for an hour and a half before waking up at 12.

I've always been afraid that one day I'll plan one of my crazy do-an-assignment-until-2-in-the-morning-for-three-nights-in-a-row-adventures, or something similarly important, and I'll just fall asleep from tiredness without even realising. Luckily, this wasn't anything important.

Slightly scary, but not really. I've usually been able to fight through tiredness, but these last two weeks have just been madness. Emotionally draining. And physically. I've been shoveling mulch and going to the gym. AND I've been sleeping at 2 and waking up at 7. Which isn't so bad, except it catches up to you at night. But I haven't been letting it catch me. Until last night. More about emotional exhaustion soon. I was going to post about it, but I'm too tired.

Word of the Day: Tired

Negative parabola?

Ok, so some of my friends have either forgotten that I exist, are ignoring me, or just don't rank me high enough in the grand scheme of things to give me even a courtesy call.

But that's ok.

I've tried. Many times in some cases. Sometimes I find it hard to come to terms with the fact that effort doesn't always yield results. Actually, this occurs quite often. I have a bad habit, or a good habit in some circumstances, of believing that you can almost fix anything if you put enough effort/time/money into it.

But over time, I've sort of become more and more accepting of effort not equating to results. I've come to accept that you can't really do much more than try your hardest. In the case with relationships and friends, trying hard without seeming too pushy/annoying. Once you get to that annoying stage, where the other person has nothing but contempt for you, you should've stopped trying earlier, because that's the point where you've tried your hardest. It's like a negative parabola.

In other news, I worked for my dad again today. Man, his work has a lot of variety. The other day, it was putting cement sheeting on walls. Lots of the time it's tiling walls or floors. Today, we were jackhammering mud and concrete, and I was shoveling it out of there. I really empathise with the guys in that book I read in Year 8, Holes. It's about these guys who have to dig a five foot by five foot hole in the desert every day at this illegal camp called Camp Green Lake, ostensibly as punishment for their crimes. It's a great, great book, but I just felt first hand how tough it would be to dig a hole that big every day. In the desert. I mean, I was digging for like, 40 minutes, with mini-breaks, in Melbourne weather, and my fingers and knees were killing me by the end.

I also drove there and back. I'm starting to regain some of my skills in driving. Some. My close control has gotten a lot better already. Or maybe it's just my confidence.

Saturday night was a good one. Best work people reunion dinner ever. Basically it turned out being the people that I hang around with at uni, and happen to be some of my closest friends. Oh, and Kira. Looking forward to Banh's Australia Day shindig tomorrow. Should be a 'stoking' good one. Sorry, in-joke.

Word of the Day: Ditched

Stuff rapping, I'm going to be a poet

And so it was that I thought, “Oh, how fortunate for me to meet such a delightful young lass. Her humour and wit surpasses even mine. A natural charm becomes her, so much so that it infuses the very air with the colours of joy and happiness. A happiness so infectious that one cannot help but smile even when in the deepest depression.” Abridged part coming up: "The weight upon my heart becomes a memory of the distant past, like a bird learning, finally, at long last, how to fly."

And I thought after that "I’m going to have lunch now."

-------------------------------------------------------------

That was a mad passage of inspiration that I came up with it yesterday because Imesha told me to write about...um...something. Yeah. Better not say. Gangland affiliations and all that jazz. It has great potential to be part of a novel. It was probably a result of 4.5 hours of sleep, two coffees and an accounting tute. It does strange things to your brain. Or maybe just mine. But I still think I can top that if I was writing for someone that I liked. As in, like like. Never mind. You're probably too daft to get the difference anyway.

Today was no better. In fact, it could be argued that it was worse. I had a total of 3 hours sleep last night. Weird thing was, I didn't really feel it til now. Now, I feel like I'm about to fall asleep in this seat. Now y'all know where my outrageous claim that "Your amount of sleep last night was greater than my amount of sleep over the last two." And no, I wasn't out partying. I was actually doing work, all of which was due today. Stupid French. And to top it all off, the French tutor was all like "You can hand it in tomorrow if you like." And to top that off, I got approached by a church guy at the bus stop today.

I just don't understand why he picked me. I was being anti-social as hell. Plugged into my iPod, staring at the ground, with a scowl on my face due to the relatively indifferent day that I had had. And he approached me to talk about how he was from the church of Jesus of the Latter Day Saints (amazing how I remember these things). Which was fine. Until he tried to get my number. At which point I said no. I wanted to say, "Well, maybe if you were a girl, or a guy I semi-knew." So he gave me his. I just don't understand we he targeted me.

What I really wanted to say to him when he asked me what religion, if any, I believed in, was that I believed in the religion of being a nice guy. And I wanted to tell him how today, I held up an elderly man while he was falling over, and gave my seat to him (on the bus of course. Duh. Why would this happen in a lecture theatre?) And the white Monash kid, who gave the old man an insolent glare when he told him to move over just a little bit, did not. This will be in my Arsenal to use against any racist stupid enough to start mouthing off at me.

Wow, that was a ramble of epic proportions. And to top it all off, I'm gonna have a go at the ASEAN club.

My disapproval for the conscious formation of ethnic ghettos/clubs notwithstanding, I just dislike how shallow their concept of being an Asian is. Their understanding of Asian culture is noodle-eating and break dancing. And the break dancing today wasn't even that fantastic. And they speak goddamn English. Like, shouldn't English be outlawed there?

And I think that I upset a friend pretty bad yesterday. Sorry.

Apart from that, sorry if I offended anyone else. My brain isn't functioning at the moment, and apparently I offend people even when it is functioning. So I'm just gonna be like Noel Gallagher and say that everything's just amazing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vavA4NUKpy8

Word of the Day: Tired