There's something wrong with me. Seriously.
I'm starting to miss a girl that treated me like garbage, and who I wasn't even ever really with. That's so whack. Like, I'm just starting to reminisce about how good it all was, and how on top of the world I felt back then. I felt like nothing could upset me, or get to me. Near indestructible. Like, whenever something went bad, it was like just seeing her, or even thinking about her, would make everything alright.
I miss her smile, and her laugh, and the way that we'd just wander around aimlessly, talking about nothing, and everything at the same time. How endearingly awkward she was. How she'd just randomly touch me, and then feel really awkward about it. Both her and me.
She was beautiful too. I just realised how I never seemed to convey that here, or to many people at all. She was gorgeous. Sometimes it was hard to make her laugh, or smile, but that made it all the more special when she did. She had a glorious smile. As I've said before, I have a thing for girls with great smiles. I also inflated my own ego a bit, because she laughed a lot at the stuff I said, and not so much at what other people said.
I think it's because of these good memories that it hurt even more when she stopped talking to me. It hurt a lot less when she finally cut me off. Even though she was a psycho, and probably still is, I don't think I'll ever really get over her.
I keep it well hidden though. And there's not really that much to hide anymore. I mean, I'm pretty over her. It's just sometimes, I get really, really lonely. Like, when things are going bad, and I just want to whinge and moan to someone, and maybe, just maybe, cry a little. But I don't let this show too much in public.
I don't know when I'll find the right person, or when they'll find me. I guess it's a feeling of mutual attraction. I mean, I could potentially like a lot of people, but for them to reciprocate that, that's the hard bit.
I've analysed most of my character make-up now, and spotted most of the flaws. I know pretty much what I am, and what I am not.
I'm not drop-dead handsome. I don't think I'm that bad-looking though. And I'm taller than most girls, and almost all Asian guys. I dress well, I keep myself clean. I mean, yeah, I could lose a few kilos, but I'm not that bad. And I am trying. So I don't think that's really a massive, massive barrier.
I'm not tight with my money, by anyone's standards. Especially with a girl I like, I pay for everything, and I buy gifts and stuff. So if she's into that, I don't really think that's a problem, unless she wants Gucci handbags every week or something.
I'm not exactly boring. Maybe the stuff I do isn't suited to the mainstream girl. I don't club, I don't smoke, I don't drink, and I don't drag race at night. But the stuff I do isn't boring boring. I play music, I listen to music, I go out, watch movies, eat, bowl, write stuff, play stupid games, sit around and talk for hours, and shop.
I work hard for the future. Or a lot harder than a good deal of people in the world. So I don't really think that's an issue.
I'm a bit of a jerk sometimes. That might count against me. But I'm never like that with girls that I like. Also, sometimes my humour is a bit hard to get. And to many, it can seem like I'm being an idiot. And sometimes I get into moods where I don't want to talk a lot. And a lot of people seem to have an issue with that.
I think the problem is really me. I'm too picky. I tend to go for alright-looking, funny girls who have similar interests to me. And, this is the hard part, that understand my humour.
I thought Anna Tran fit this bill a while ago. And she seemed fairly into me too. Maybe that was just sympathy for my bung knee. I don't think it was though. There was an issue there that I don't fully comprehend, if at all. First day back at uni, I said meet up, and she seemed really eager. Then she met her friend in the lecture following, and it's like she never knew me. The last time we went out, before I gave up all hope on her, it was for Ray's party. And there, she chose to sit next to me. She conversed with me, she looked at me a lot, and laughed at things that I didn't even mean to be funny, and generally had a good time. Much like camp. Even walking to our group meeting for Accounting, she offered me to shelter under her umbrella, and we joked and mucked around and stuff. As soon as she saw her friend there, she just started being a jerk and being overly-critical when I made a mistake, but alright when her friend made about a million. I think she's afraid of what her friends would say if they thought she was interested in me. Which is fair enough I guess. I'm not exactly much of a handbag boyfriend. That's the only reason I can nail. I mean, she seems to be all interested in Richard, and he's got a girlfriend. I could match her stupid humour, if only she'd give me a chance. She knows I can. I've done it before. She just seemed intent on shutting me out. I don't need someone like that in my life.
I thought with Linda that I'd finally found someone that was also interested. And I think she was. Until somehow, sometime, I hit a nerve, and she went mental. I still don't know what I did wrong. More about her later, maybe.
Yeah, I'm writing all of this because, right now, at this point in time, the loneliness is really kicking in. I have so many things that I want to talk about, but no-one that I can really talk to. I don't know why I struggle talking things through with my family. I have come to the conclusion that I am a really bad person. I complain about things, and then I don't go for the easy, not-so-good option. I go for the better, harder-to-attain option. With girls, I'm not like a lot of guys, who'll just go for anyone. And, I think, therein lies many of my problems.
Word of the Day: Loneliness
Sunday 21 February 2010
Friday 19 February 2010
Talkin' Bout My Situation
I remember reading a news item a while back about a wife killing her husband, or the other way around. I can't remember.
And at that time, I thought, "How can two people that presumably originally love each other, suddenly kill one another? How can you suddenly hate someone that you've loved so much before?"
But I understand now. Not that I would ever kill anyone. But I'm just saying I understand how that love can turn to anger, or even hatred. I think in most of these cases it involves a breaking of trust, a bit of betrayal, and, where it results in violence, a big, big dose of psychotic tendencies.
With me, it's mainly an issue of breaking trust and being manipulated. I have now come to realise how naive I was about half a year or so ago. Your love for someone, no matter how deep, can turn to hate. In fact, I would contend that the deeper the love was, the greater the hate can be. Because when you love, or at least like someone, you trust them with your heart. And when they abuse that trust, the first reaction is sadness. Which turns to anger. And then, perhaps hatred.
It's just an understanding. I'm not going to do anything.
Word of the Day: Hatred
And at that time, I thought, "How can two people that presumably originally love each other, suddenly kill one another? How can you suddenly hate someone that you've loved so much before?"
But I understand now. Not that I would ever kill anyone. But I'm just saying I understand how that love can turn to anger, or even hatred. I think in most of these cases it involves a breaking of trust, a bit of betrayal, and, where it results in violence, a big, big dose of psychotic tendencies.
With me, it's mainly an issue of breaking trust and being manipulated. I have now come to realise how naive I was about half a year or so ago. Your love for someone, no matter how deep, can turn to hate. In fact, I would contend that the deeper the love was, the greater the hate can be. Because when you love, or at least like someone, you trust them with your heart. And when they abuse that trust, the first reaction is sadness. Which turns to anger. And then, perhaps hatred.
It's just an understanding. I'm not going to do anything.
Word of the Day: Hatred
Wednesday 17 February 2010
You're a Bingle
And consumerism has once again gone further than anyone would ever have expected.
Yes, you can now own Channel temporary tattoos for only $90!
Why the hell do you need branded fake tattoos? Actually, why do you need fake tattoos? And in such an (I think) ugly design? I can't find a proper picture, but it's in the Herald Sun today.
Seriously. If you're going to do that, just buy some jewelery.
It's been unashamedly trumpeted as cheap way for people who can't afford the expensive stuff to get into the brand.
The reason that their expensive stuff is expensive is because, generally speaking, it's good stuff. These tattoos and what-not are relying on the name made by those high-end products, in a sense relying on their quality and awesomeness, to sell these sub-standard stickers for a ridiculous price.
I'm not really that against people paying more for brands, because generally branded stuff is better quality and better designed, no matter what people say about how it's "all the same." In most cases, it's not. But with these tattoos, how good can they possibly be? They're temporary tattoos.
Also, Lara Bingle annoys me to no end. I don't exactly know why. But it may have something to do with her riding her 15 minutes of fame for far too long. And how everybody seems to think she's hot, when really, she is very much not, in my opinion.
Word of the Day: Tattoo
Currently listening to: Ambitionz Az a Ridah by 2Pac
Yes, you can now own Channel temporary tattoos for only $90!
Why the hell do you need branded fake tattoos? Actually, why do you need fake tattoos? And in such an (I think) ugly design? I can't find a proper picture, but it's in the Herald Sun today.
Seriously. If you're going to do that, just buy some jewelery.
It's been unashamedly trumpeted as cheap way for people who can't afford the expensive stuff to get into the brand.
The reason that their expensive stuff is expensive is because, generally speaking, it's good stuff. These tattoos and what-not are relying on the name made by those high-end products, in a sense relying on their quality and awesomeness, to sell these sub-standard stickers for a ridiculous price.
I'm not really that against people paying more for brands, because generally branded stuff is better quality and better designed, no matter what people say about how it's "all the same." In most cases, it's not. But with these tattoos, how good can they possibly be? They're temporary tattoos.
Also, Lara Bingle annoys me to no end. I don't exactly know why. But it may have something to do with her riding her 15 minutes of fame for far too long. And how everybody seems to think she's hot, when really, she is very much not, in my opinion.
Word of the Day: Tattoo
Currently listening to: Ambitionz Az a Ridah by 2Pac
Tuesday 16 February 2010
Cam Era
This was originally going to be an in-depth analysis and story of what happened with Linda, to coincide with the ending of Valentine's Day (sort of), but I seriously can't be stuffed right now, and I really don't want to put myself through torture yet. So maybe later. A bit of inane rambling will do just find for now. And without (much) further ado, here it is.
I am a little bemused, and a lot jealous, of people who seem to have cameras with them wherever they go.
Routine lunch with friends? Check.
Dinner with family? Check.
Trip out to the city with friends? Check.
Lunch with friends at uni? Check.
Lying around doing nothing with friends? Check.
Walking the dog? Check.
Anything involving friends? Check.
These are all pretty cool, but the one that takes the cake is Grace's photos of her friends and her at the gym. The gym, for crying out loud. Who wants photos of themselves running at the gym?
Anyway, what amazes me as well is that these people can be bothered carrying a camera around with them. And it's a camera, not a phone. The photos are too good to be from a phone. I mean, my camera's as portable as they come. It's actually smaller than my hand, both in thickness and every other possible dimension. And I can't even be bothered carrying that around. Respect to y'all camera toters for dedication.
Word of the Day: Camera
Currently listening to: D.O.A. (Death of Auto- Tune) by Jay-Z
I am a little bemused, and a lot jealous, of people who seem to have cameras with them wherever they go.
Routine lunch with friends? Check.
Dinner with family? Check.
Trip out to the city with friends? Check.
Lunch with friends at uni? Check.
Lying around doing nothing with friends? Check.
Walking the dog? Check.
Anything involving friends? Check.
These are all pretty cool, but the one that takes the cake is Grace's photos of her friends and her at the gym. The gym, for crying out loud. Who wants photos of themselves running at the gym?
Anyway, what amazes me as well is that these people can be bothered carrying a camera around with them. And it's a camera, not a phone. The photos are too good to be from a phone. I mean, my camera's as portable as they come. It's actually smaller than my hand, both in thickness and every other possible dimension. And I can't even be bothered carrying that around. Respect to y'all camera toters for dedication.
Word of the Day: Camera
Currently listening to: D.O.A. (Death of Auto- Tune) by Jay-Z
Sunday 14 February 2010
About time
Last night, it finally happened.
I always wondered whether it would. One day, when my seemingly limitless levels of energy would fail me.
Me and my sisters were watching Despereaux on DVD last night. Afterwards, I thought I'd lie down on the couch for a few minutes, because I was slightly fatigued. Lo and behold, I slept for an hour and a half before waking up at 12.
I've always been afraid that one day I'll plan one of my crazy do-an-assignment-until-2-in-the-morning-for-three-nights-in-a-row-adventures, or something similarly important, and I'll just fall asleep from tiredness without even realising. Luckily, this wasn't anything important.
Slightly scary, but not really. I've usually been able to fight through tiredness, but these last two weeks have just been madness. Emotionally draining. And physically. I've been shoveling mulch and going to the gym. AND I've been sleeping at 2 and waking up at 7. Which isn't so bad, except it catches up to you at night. But I haven't been letting it catch me. Until last night. More about emotional exhaustion soon. I was going to post about it, but I'm too tired.
Word of the Day: Tired
I always wondered whether it would. One day, when my seemingly limitless levels of energy would fail me.
Me and my sisters were watching Despereaux on DVD last night. Afterwards, I thought I'd lie down on the couch for a few minutes, because I was slightly fatigued. Lo and behold, I slept for an hour and a half before waking up at 12.
I've always been afraid that one day I'll plan one of my crazy do-an-assignment-until-2-in-the-morning-for-three-nights-in-a-row-adventures, or something similarly important, and I'll just fall asleep from tiredness without even realising. Luckily, this wasn't anything important.
Slightly scary, but not really. I've usually been able to fight through tiredness, but these last two weeks have just been madness. Emotionally draining. And physically. I've been shoveling mulch and going to the gym. AND I've been sleeping at 2 and waking up at 7. Which isn't so bad, except it catches up to you at night. But I haven't been letting it catch me. Until last night. More about emotional exhaustion soon. I was going to post about it, but I'm too tired.
Word of the Day: Tired
Monday 8 February 2010
Worries
I am very worried about many things at the moment. All these pressures are just starting to build up. I hope there never comes a day where that final straw breaks this particular donkey's back.
First and foremost, Linda is driving me crazy. I have no idea why she's been ignoring me for a week. At first, it made me worried. Then it made me very, very sad when I realised that she may be ignoring me. Then I found out for certain that she's been ignoring me, for some inexplicable (to me) reason. Deep depression set in, I was about to cry, then I manned up. Now I'm just seething with anger and sadness. It's a dangerous mix. I might skip dinner tonight just so that I don't get to my family. I've tried my hardest, I haven't deliberately done anything wrong by her, and to the best of my knowledge, I haven't done anything wrong. I think what gets me the most is the fact that she's been ignoring me, without me knowing what I've done wrong. Like, she hasn't even shouted at me or anything similar.
I'm confused can you make me understand
Cos I try to give you the best of me
I thought we were cool, maybe I was blind
Next up on my pile of stress is my real estate course. I want to finish it by the end of this holiday.
Thirdly is worry about what the upcoming semester will bring. From here, it looks like a semester of academic hell. And possibly other types of hell.
Fourthly, I'm stuck in limbo about what to do about my clarinet. Do I go on, and take it half-paced, or do I stop? This is actually a big concern of mine. It's so hard to make a decision.
These would hardly be problems if Linda just started talking to me again. God, I never knew that someone could cut me this deeply. Looks like my heart isn't as cold as many people think it is.
Word of the Day: Worries
Currently listening to: Can U Help Me by Usher
First and foremost, Linda is driving me crazy. I have no idea why she's been ignoring me for a week. At first, it made me worried. Then it made me very, very sad when I realised that she may be ignoring me. Then I found out for certain that she's been ignoring me, for some inexplicable (to me) reason. Deep depression set in, I was about to cry, then I manned up. Now I'm just seething with anger and sadness. It's a dangerous mix. I might skip dinner tonight just so that I don't get to my family. I've tried my hardest, I haven't deliberately done anything wrong by her, and to the best of my knowledge, I haven't done anything wrong. I think what gets me the most is the fact that she's been ignoring me, without me knowing what I've done wrong. Like, she hasn't even shouted at me or anything similar.
I'm confused can you make me understand
Cos I try to give you the best of me
I thought we were cool, maybe I was blind
Next up on my pile of stress is my real estate course. I want to finish it by the end of this holiday.
Thirdly is worry about what the upcoming semester will bring. From here, it looks like a semester of academic hell. And possibly other types of hell.
Fourthly, I'm stuck in limbo about what to do about my clarinet. Do I go on, and take it half-paced, or do I stop? This is actually a big concern of mine. It's so hard to make a decision.
These would hardly be problems if Linda just started talking to me again. God, I never knew that someone could cut me this deeply. Looks like my heart isn't as cold as many people think it is.
Word of the Day: Worries
Currently listening to: Can U Help Me by Usher
Saturday 6 February 2010
Sorry
Honest to God, I try to be a good person. I really do. I try to do right by all my friends and my family. Where I can, I try to make them happy. I'm not perfect, but I would never do something to intentionally hurt them.
I don't think people appreciate this very often though. Off the top of my head, apart from my family, I can probably name three or four people that recognise the fact that the things I do for them I don't do for just any random on the street.
Maybe it's my prickly personality. I don't think it really endears me to people. The vengeful side to me hopes that they'll realise how much I did for them when I'm out of their life. But I also realise that I'm probably not that important.
In summary, I have no idea why all of a sudden so many people are hating on me. Specifically the hatred from one particular person stings the most. If I've offended you unintentionally, I'm sorry. From the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry. I don't know how I did it, because I never intend to hurt my friends, but I think I have. I don't know what else I can do because you're not talking to me.
I know you probably won't read this, person that I am talking to, so I'm probably talking to myself. But a flaw with me, and with many people, is clinging onto hope when there is barely any left.
Word of the Day: Sorry
I don't think people appreciate this very often though. Off the top of my head, apart from my family, I can probably name three or four people that recognise the fact that the things I do for them I don't do for just any random on the street.
Maybe it's my prickly personality. I don't think it really endears me to people. The vengeful side to me hopes that they'll realise how much I did for them when I'm out of their life. But I also realise that I'm probably not that important.
In summary, I have no idea why all of a sudden so many people are hating on me. Specifically the hatred from one particular person stings the most. If I've offended you unintentionally, I'm sorry. From the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry. I don't know how I did it, because I never intend to hurt my friends, but I think I have. I don't know what else I can do because you're not talking to me.
I know you probably won't read this, person that I am talking to, so I'm probably talking to myself. But a flaw with me, and with many people, is clinging onto hope when there is barely any left.
Word of the Day: Sorry
hkef;bqke;bfkq;bkl;n;b; rage.
Wow, I've blogged like every day of this week.
This is just another one to vent my frustration at people not picking up their phones. That's all there is to it really.
Oh, and why people are so hard to understand. Once again. I think I may have majorly annoyed someone, but I have no idea why, or if indeed, I have at all, owing to the aforementioned phenomenon.
This sucks.
End story.
Word of the Day: Frustration
Currently listening to: Hate by Jay-Z feat. Kanye.
This is just another one to vent my frustration at people not picking up their phones. That's all there is to it really.
Oh, and why people are so hard to understand. Once again. I think I may have majorly annoyed someone, but I have no idea why, or if indeed, I have at all, owing to the aforementioned phenomenon.
This sucks.
End story.
Word of the Day: Frustration
Currently listening to: Hate by Jay-Z feat. Kanye.
Friday 5 February 2010
Exstrospective
Today I'm going to take a break from the introspective stuff, even though there's a lot to talk about. I'm just sick of talking about it, and I'm sure you're sick of hearing about it.
Time to talk some physical changes.
So like, at the start of the holidays, I weighed 97 kilos, down three from my peak of 100 or so. Then, I slowly climbed back up.
For some strange reason or another, now I'm back down to 95. And I've gained muscle from working out a bit. So it's like a double win. Better keep it up.
I'm at a strange stage...um...physique-wise. I'm starting to see some muscle beneath all that flab. And I can even see some abs. So the answer, I guess, is to lose the flab. Biking, swimming, and all that jazz.
I thought swimming would help my knee. It hasn't. It's destroying it. It's worse than before now. It hurts going up stairs sometimes.
The good thing is, (I think) I don't actually look as fat as I am. I don't know if people are being nice or not, but when I ask them, people generally say around 80. And I can sort of tell by deduction that they don't really consider me fat, because they tell fat jokes around me. It's like how you don't tell Asian jokes around Asians, but if you don't consider them Asian, then it's alright. Or maybe I'm just pushing it a bit far. Story of my life.
Anyway, I shall continue along this path to becoming The Ultimate Man. So the physique part is coming along alright. The girlfriend part has stalled somewhat, for reasons unknown to me. Studies are sort of going alright, what with the crazy real estate thing. I told my family how much they mean to yesterday night. God, that took guts. After that, I don't think many other things will make me nervous, apart from telling a girl that I like her. That might come close.
That just highlights how much I hide in my shell emotionally. Also, it highlights how I have recently developed a tendency to be introspective.
But yes. Ultimate Man. I also have a car, albeit by the grace of my parents. I have also opened up a bit to my friends, and I think they know I care about them. Onwards, Andrew, onwards.
Word of the Day: Exstrospective
Time to talk some physical changes.
So like, at the start of the holidays, I weighed 97 kilos, down three from my peak of 100 or so. Then, I slowly climbed back up.
For some strange reason or another, now I'm back down to 95. And I've gained muscle from working out a bit. So it's like a double win. Better keep it up.
I'm at a strange stage...um...physique-wise. I'm starting to see some muscle beneath all that flab. And I can even see some abs. So the answer, I guess, is to lose the flab. Biking, swimming, and all that jazz.
I thought swimming would help my knee. It hasn't. It's destroying it. It's worse than before now. It hurts going up stairs sometimes.
The good thing is, (I think) I don't actually look as fat as I am. I don't know if people are being nice or not, but when I ask them, people generally say around 80. And I can sort of tell by deduction that they don't really consider me fat, because they tell fat jokes around me. It's like how you don't tell Asian jokes around Asians, but if you don't consider them Asian, then it's alright. Or maybe I'm just pushing it a bit far. Story of my life.
Anyway, I shall continue along this path to becoming The Ultimate Man. So the physique part is coming along alright. The girlfriend part has stalled somewhat, for reasons unknown to me. Studies are sort of going alright, what with the crazy real estate thing. I told my family how much they mean to yesterday night. God, that took guts. After that, I don't think many other things will make me nervous, apart from telling a girl that I like her. That might come close.
That just highlights how much I hide in my shell emotionally. Also, it highlights how I have recently developed a tendency to be introspective.
But yes. Ultimate Man. I also have a car, albeit by the grace of my parents. I have also opened up a bit to my friends, and I think they know I care about them. Onwards, Andrew, onwards.
Word of the Day: Exstrospective
Thursday 4 February 2010
I used to read Word Up magazine
The following is a rough amalgamation/approximation of the beautiful dreams that I've been having over the last week or so.
We're sitting there, on the beach, by the sea. Or on a bench, in a park. Or on a verdant field of grass on top of a lush green mountain. It doesn't really matter where. It changes every night anyway. It doesn't matter where we are because you're here. And while you're here, sometimes we talk. Sometimes we just sit in comfortable silence, just being happy in the presence of each other. Well, I'm happy. And I'm fairly sure that you are too.
If you didn't get that, that was about a specific person, not you. Or maybe it is you. But just to make it clear, the 'you' in this dream is one specific person, and is almost certainly not you. Unless you are the person in my dreams. Or of my dreams as the case may be.
Blah, blah, blah.
Sometimes I hate having dreams, even though I don't have them very often. If their nightmares, they're just stupid and scary. If they're awesomely good, like the above, it makes you depressed. Seriously. I wake up, lay there for five minutes remembering what happened in the dream. After I remember, I actually feel like crying. No joke. Like, I want to cry right now just thinking about it.
I think it's fairly evident that I hope this dream bears fruit. Fingers crossed.
Apparently dreams are manifestations with your preoccupations, or, in this case, things that are on your mind constantly during the day. Or maybe that's a theory that I made up myself. But, like in most cases, this theory seems to apply here. Go me.
Word of the Day: Dream
Currently listening to: U Got It Bad by everyone's favourite...something, Usher.
We're sitting there, on the beach, by the sea. Or on a bench, in a park. Or on a verdant field of grass on top of a lush green mountain. It doesn't really matter where. It changes every night anyway. It doesn't matter where we are because you're here. And while you're here, sometimes we talk. Sometimes we just sit in comfortable silence, just being happy in the presence of each other. Well, I'm happy. And I'm fairly sure that you are too.
If you didn't get that, that was about a specific person, not you. Or maybe it is you. But just to make it clear, the 'you' in this dream is one specific person, and is almost certainly not you. Unless you are the person in my dreams. Or of my dreams as the case may be.
Blah, blah, blah.
Sometimes I hate having dreams, even though I don't have them very often. If their nightmares, they're just stupid and scary. If they're awesomely good, like the above, it makes you depressed. Seriously. I wake up, lay there for five minutes remembering what happened in the dream. After I remember, I actually feel like crying. No joke. Like, I want to cry right now just thinking about it.
I think it's fairly evident that I hope this dream bears fruit. Fingers crossed.
Apparently dreams are manifestations with your preoccupations, or, in this case, things that are on your mind constantly during the day. Or maybe that's a theory that I made up myself. But, like in most cases, this theory seems to apply here. Go me.
Word of the Day: Dream
Currently listening to: U Got It Bad by everyone's favourite...something, Usher.
Wednesday 3 February 2010
20th
Ok, so it didn't turn out too bad.
Sure, I spent the day doing stuff that I'd normally do anyway. Swimming in the morning, shopping for an iPod case for Sarah, waiting for a message from Linda, watering the cabbages, studying for real estate. Nothing special. No-one really to spend it with. Or, more nobody available to spend it with.
I guess it's a reflection of myself. Not an overly-exciting birthday, but solid.
Emo song lyrics that I've created pending.
The highlight was the text from Linda. Sad, but also wonderful, how something so small can make me happy. Texts from my other friends were also much appreciated. Glad to know that people think of me. It means a lot more to me than I'm willing to admit. Anywhere. Except here.
The second highlight was the sign that Michelle made for me, and the card that both my sister's gave me. Phully the trippiest present ever. Display. In. My. Room. Now. Sarah also made me some blog layouts, which I am yet to try out, but I'm sure they're good. Thanks guys.
And most of the people that didn't wish me happy birthday were of the unreliable type anyway, so I guess, in a way, it was expected. Not forgiven, but expected.
Strange. I just view it as a common courtesy, like saying "Thanks" or "Hi." But then, yet again, I'm not surprised at this turn either. Many people lack common courtesy now. Especially at uni, people find it incredibly, disproportionately difficult to say "Hi" or "Bye." Many people also struggle with the concept of appreciation, and acknowledgement of this appreciation with a "Thanks." "Sorry" is also a bit of struggle word. I hate saying it sincerely, unless it's completely warranted and I'm in the wrong.
In summary, I've had better birthdays. I don't think I've ever had one where I haven't done anything at all during the actual day, but it was compensated for by friends who care. So it wasn't the worst I've ever had. Now I need to think of how to deal with these Facebook birthday wishes. Bothersome, but in a good way. Like...five people calling you one day. It makes you busy, but makes you feel popular. Yeah. Whatever.
Word of the Day: Twentieth
Sure, I spent the day doing stuff that I'd normally do anyway. Swimming in the morning, shopping for an iPod case for Sarah, waiting for a message from Linda, watering the cabbages, studying for real estate. Nothing special. No-one really to spend it with. Or, more nobody available to spend it with.
I guess it's a reflection of myself. Not an overly-exciting birthday, but solid.
Emo song lyrics that I've created pending.
The highlight was the text from Linda. Sad, but also wonderful, how something so small can make me happy. Texts from my other friends were also much appreciated. Glad to know that people think of me. It means a lot more to me than I'm willing to admit. Anywhere. Except here.
The second highlight was the sign that Michelle made for me, and the card that both my sister's gave me. Phully the trippiest present ever. Display. In. My. Room. Now. Sarah also made me some blog layouts, which I am yet to try out, but I'm sure they're good. Thanks guys.
And most of the people that didn't wish me happy birthday were of the unreliable type anyway, so I guess, in a way, it was expected. Not forgiven, but expected.
Strange. I just view it as a common courtesy, like saying "Thanks" or "Hi." But then, yet again, I'm not surprised at this turn either. Many people lack common courtesy now. Especially at uni, people find it incredibly, disproportionately difficult to say "Hi" or "Bye." Many people also struggle with the concept of appreciation, and acknowledgement of this appreciation with a "Thanks." "Sorry" is also a bit of struggle word. I hate saying it sincerely, unless it's completely warranted and I'm in the wrong.
In summary, I've had better birthdays. I don't think I've ever had one where I haven't done anything at all during the actual day, but it was compensated for by friends who care. So it wasn't the worst I've ever had. Now I need to think of how to deal with these Facebook birthday wishes. Bothersome, but in a good way. Like...five people calling you one day. It makes you busy, but makes you feel popular. Yeah. Whatever.
Word of the Day: Twentieth
Tuesday 2 February 2010
And still I see no changes
Yes, it's that time of year again when I go "Yay, I'm a year older."
It just hit me that I'm 20. Wow, that seemed really old back in the day. I certainly don't feel 20. I don't look 20, and a certainly don't act 20. I look like a 16-year-old, and often act like one.
I think this is an apt time to discuss some changes.
Well, what's changed since I turned 18?
I've become more social. Less of a jerk, I suppose. A bit more mature in my approach to people.
I think I've become less materialistic. I've found that the little things in life, in many cases, are the best things. Like someone showing that they care about you, or they're thinking about you. These little things are mostly conspicuous because of their absence in my life. In plain English, that means that not many people show that they care about me, possibly because they don't, and this makes it all the more valuable when someone shows that they do, in fact, care about you.
Tying in with this emotion, of course, was an emo song title I came up with last night before sleeping, in keeping with me being at my most creative just before sleeping.
Anyway, the day started pretty badly. Like, I'm not even sure if my parents know that it's my birthday. My littlest sister does. And what's weird is that most of the friends that I consider closest to me have not even mentioned my birthday. Some have texted me, and I thank them from the bottom of my heart for that. Others...See, this is what I mean by care. It's just little things like this. I don't know. Maybe they'll do it later when, and if, they remember. Maybe they think it's sufficient having wished me happy birthday a few days ago.
Ah, yes. I had a BBQ a few days ago in celebration of this day. It was good. I have this thing for sitting around and talking and generally doing nothing. And losing at poker, so as to have more time to sit around talking and generally do nothing. It turned out a lot better than I expected, owing to the unexpected move of my family eating dinner earlier than the party, and the fact that most people turned up an hour late. Thanks for the presents, y'all. And more importantly, infinitely more importantly, thanks for turning up. Appreciated.
Maybe it is sufficient to wish someone an early happy birthday and leave it at that. Maybe I'm just being a sulk and a pansy.
Also, nothing much looks like happening today. The person I would like to spend the day with is busy, as per usual. Come to think of it, I think most everyone else that I know is. So I guess I'll just study for my real estate course. Woo hoo.
Word of the Day: Birthday
It just hit me that I'm 20. Wow, that seemed really old back in the day. I certainly don't feel 20. I don't look 20, and a certainly don't act 20. I look like a 16-year-old, and often act like one.
I think this is an apt time to discuss some changes.
Well, what's changed since I turned 18?
I've become more social. Less of a jerk, I suppose. A bit more mature in my approach to people.
I think I've become less materialistic. I've found that the little things in life, in many cases, are the best things. Like someone showing that they care about you, or they're thinking about you. These little things are mostly conspicuous because of their absence in my life. In plain English, that means that not many people show that they care about me, possibly because they don't, and this makes it all the more valuable when someone shows that they do, in fact, care about you.
Tying in with this emotion, of course, was an emo song title I came up with last night before sleeping, in keeping with me being at my most creative just before sleeping.
Anyway, the day started pretty badly. Like, I'm not even sure if my parents know that it's my birthday. My littlest sister does. And what's weird is that most of the friends that I consider closest to me have not even mentioned my birthday. Some have texted me, and I thank them from the bottom of my heart for that. Others...See, this is what I mean by care. It's just little things like this. I don't know. Maybe they'll do it later when, and if, they remember. Maybe they think it's sufficient having wished me happy birthday a few days ago.
Ah, yes. I had a BBQ a few days ago in celebration of this day. It was good. I have this thing for sitting around and talking and generally doing nothing. And losing at poker, so as to have more time to sit around talking and generally do nothing. It turned out a lot better than I expected, owing to the unexpected move of my family eating dinner earlier than the party, and the fact that most people turned up an hour late. Thanks for the presents, y'all. And more importantly, infinitely more importantly, thanks for turning up. Appreciated.
Maybe it is sufficient to wish someone an early happy birthday and leave it at that. Maybe I'm just being a sulk and a pansy.
Also, nothing much looks like happening today. The person I would like to spend the day with is busy, as per usual. Come to think of it, I think most everyone else that I know is. So I guess I'll just study for my real estate course. Woo hoo.
Word of the Day: Birthday
Monday 1 February 2010
Gunner lose again
Excuses are really starting to run out for Arsenal now.
They have almost all of their first-team players back and playing now. And yet, they still manage to get completely ripped apart by Manchester United.
Problem one, I believe, is a lack of heart. Most deficiencies in football can be made up for by sheer power of will and determination.
Problem two, the defence. I have no idea what's wrong with it. Sure, Clichy isn't 100%, but United just seem to defend so much better. I think it's because with them, it's a team effort. With Arsenal, if you're lucky, you get the centre backs defending, and not many other people besides. What's saddening is that while Arsenal are lacking in defence, they were also outclassed in attack. The manager has often defended Arsenal's defensive lapses, saying it's a result of the style of play. Attack, attack, attack. Then why is it always in big matches that Arsenal not only struggle at the back, but are found wanting up the front?
So they're missing van Persie. Surely Arshavin is good enough to fill in for that? But that guy is so inconsistent it's almost funny.
The best thing in this team is Fabregas. Arsenal are so lucky to have him. He's like a university graduate in a team of primary school kids. I'm afraid that he might leave at the end of the season though. Look at it logically. He could go to any team that he wanted. Anywhere in the world. It's not about money. I would be tempted if I were him for two reasons besides money. Reason number 1: the players at other teams are so much better to work with. Would you rather play in teams with Messi, Xavi, Ronaldo, Kaka, Benzema, or would you rather be mixing it with players like Diaby and Bendtner? Reason 2: the Gunners simply don't look like winning anything in the foreseeable future. It's sad. All they really need is a top-class striker, a decent holding mid, and possibly, but not necessarily, a centre back. That's all it would take for them to be awesome, really. That, and a fighting spirit.
I doubt they can get anything at all against Chelsea at Stamford Bridge, of all places. Let's hope they surprise.
Word of the Day: Despondant
They have almost all of their first-team players back and playing now. And yet, they still manage to get completely ripped apart by Manchester United.
Problem one, I believe, is a lack of heart. Most deficiencies in football can be made up for by sheer power of will and determination.
Problem two, the defence. I have no idea what's wrong with it. Sure, Clichy isn't 100%, but United just seem to defend so much better. I think it's because with them, it's a team effort. With Arsenal, if you're lucky, you get the centre backs defending, and not many other people besides. What's saddening is that while Arsenal are lacking in defence, they were also outclassed in attack. The manager has often defended Arsenal's defensive lapses, saying it's a result of the style of play. Attack, attack, attack. Then why is it always in big matches that Arsenal not only struggle at the back, but are found wanting up the front?
So they're missing van Persie. Surely Arshavin is good enough to fill in for that? But that guy is so inconsistent it's almost funny.
The best thing in this team is Fabregas. Arsenal are so lucky to have him. He's like a university graduate in a team of primary school kids. I'm afraid that he might leave at the end of the season though. Look at it logically. He could go to any team that he wanted. Anywhere in the world. It's not about money. I would be tempted if I were him for two reasons besides money. Reason number 1: the players at other teams are so much better to work with. Would you rather play in teams with Messi, Xavi, Ronaldo, Kaka, Benzema, or would you rather be mixing it with players like Diaby and Bendtner? Reason 2: the Gunners simply don't look like winning anything in the foreseeable future. It's sad. All they really need is a top-class striker, a decent holding mid, and possibly, but not necessarily, a centre back. That's all it would take for them to be awesome, really. That, and a fighting spirit.
I doubt they can get anything at all against Chelsea at Stamford Bridge, of all places. Let's hope they surprise.
Word of the Day: Despondant
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